Whiting Farms Fly
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What do you think of this?
Comments/critiques are welcome.
Nothing I cared, in the lamb white days, that time would take me
Up to the swallow thronged loft by the shadow of my hand,
In the moon that is always rising,
Nor that riding to sleep
I should hear him fly with the high fields
And wake to the farm forever fled from the childless land.
Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,
Time held me green and dying
Though I sang in my chains like the sea.
I just got really sad.
Try writing it out in prose, just like your everyday speech, get your imagery down and then try to convert it to verse. As is this syntax is so twisted and odd it's difficult to read or comprehend.
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